I said I would not blog about "Sebby" autographs/handwriting or anything.
I said it :$
Buuuuut...in the end...maybe we can talk about 1/2 few things...well...maybe...euhm, let's try :)
First : I don't have enough material to really work. BUT I have his signature, and that's the most important.
So, who are we talking about ?
We are talking about this man here
First reaction : oooh he's adorable...I mean, for a volcano, he's adorable. And then I saw this :
And I was just "?? !!! Oh...euhm...why? oh..."
First : let's say all of those autographs are real.
Sebastian a mystery wrapped in an enigma surrounded by a contradiction. Sebastian is complication. That's it.
People usually think Tom hiddleston feels so so much, I mean, more than anyone of us. It's not true. Tom Hiddleston shows emotions he really has (I never said he's a hypocrite), but he doesn't FEEL more than us, he just shows more.
Sebastian feels more than Tom. But Sebastian cares a lot about controlling/not showing. He's refraining, not from feeling, but from showing. He does it very consciously. He doesn't want to show how he feels. But inside, he feels more than Tom, he's more sensitive. Inside, "sebby" is a volcano. Everything is very violent. No peace, no calm, feelings are exploding, violently, and thoughts are fighting feelings, violently too (that's the most important thing about Sebastian : thoughts are fighting feelings)
And because he's always refraining from showing us how he feels, people say "he's shy, he's a turtle". Mistake. Sebastian is not shy. At all actually. Shyness, to define it clearly, is a feeling of insecurity that some people experience when they are in contact with their peers, or when they talk to other people. Shyness is associated to fear and/or shame. And shyness has a very little writing, shyness wants to disappear. Nothing like that in Sebastian writing or signature. At all. Sebastian doesn't like to be exposed, it's not about "a feeling of insecurity", it's more like prudery. The way he feels, who he is, it belongs to him, it's very personal, so he gives it to people he chooses, not to the whole world. It's about controlling what you give to people you don't know. It's about intimacy. So it's not exactly shyness.
Sebastian is the type of guy (ah ah, Twitter will love that) showing feelings to people he trusts. And because Sebastian is not Tom, he doesn't trust you before submitting you to thousand kind of (stupid) tests, before deciding (cause he decides that) to trust you or not. And trusting people, feeling confident with them can take Sebastian A LOT of time. If you' renlucky enough, he will show you his real sense of humor (he has alot) two or three YEARS after you met him. Yep, it can take THAT MUCH time.
You see that ?
This how Trent Reznor is telling you to stay away from him. Far away.
Sebastian sometimes is telling you the same. But most of the time, He's telling you "hey! We don't know each other ok ! Tame me!" Sebastian is The Fox in St Exupery The Little Prince.
Let's compare him to a gardener (we all are gardeners anyway), and people he meets are seeds, fallen into his garden. If you fall into Hiddleston's garden, he will hysterically be happy, so curious about this new little seed growing in his garden (I'm sure you picture that very clearly :D). But you're in Seb's garden, and Sebastian is not Hiddleston, so you're wellcome, meeting people is 100% ok (sebastian is nothing like a bear in a cave, he's VERY sociable), but he's the suspicious/watcher kind of gardener. You know, he's been working hard on the garden of his relationships with others, he's a kind of collector, not many flowers here, but he strictly selected each ones. And now, here you are, and he doesn't know you. So he's taking you from his garden, and he's kinda plant you in a pot and cultive you in his veranda, to know what kind of flower you are, to decide if he wants you or not in his garden. And he's calling gardeners-friends "hey man, I got this new seed you know, did you ever seen this before ? What kind of flower is that? Which color ? How does it smells like?".
A new seed, it a very serious thing to such a serious gardener :)
Once he decides to grow you, in the garden of his affection, you have to know that you kinda...belong to him (yep, I'm telling you he's possessive but he doesn't seem to be excessively possessive, I need more handwriting) ...and he knows you, he's been watching you for a while, in his veranda. He choosed a place, he dug a hole just for you, he knows what you need to grow and what kind of plant you are. He's caring.
And if it ever happened that you don't grow the way you're supposed to, if you die, or if he has to uproot you from his garden...it's a tragedy. He spent time and energy on you, he's been silently watching you from his chair...so if you disappear, for a very long time, he will sit on the ground and watch the place where you were growing, wondering what went wrong : too much water, too much sun, too much wind, or not enough..? Why is that place empty now? What went wrong...and worse : Is it my falt ?
There will always be a scar.
Sad story.
Did I mention Seb's got a real sense of humor? He has . So no, everything is not dramatical, there is lot of fun too :) And tenderness, a lot of tenderness, sebby the Turtle" is a Teddy Bear.
You see that point ?
It's called "point of authority". It means "I said what I had to. Now let's talk about something else". End of everything. No more talk, no negociation.
Trying to control feelings always creates an internal disharmony. Internal disharmony is dangerous. Fighting against your own self bothers. And bothered people drink and do drugs.
Good news : you can control a volcano.
what is VERY VERY interesting to me is that, "Sebby" met The Winter Soldier. And you can be certain it changed his life, from the inside I mean : diet, sport, choosing to do it (no one ever forced him to be J.B.Barnes, he choosed it, he knew) and now being forced to really run in the morning, learn to fight...Sebastian enclosed himself in a box in which he choosed to enter (that choice is important), a box called discipline. THIS is exactly how you can control your internal volcano : your mind is constantly thinking about a higher goal, something that's hard physically. So your mind is not thinking about feelings. The more you think about what makes you suffer, the more you suffer. But if you can think about something else...
That's what teens do, when they cut themselves not to suffer anymore : physical pain replaces mental pain, for a while, and it eases, a very bad way.
It's just a matter of distracting your mind from thinking/suffering. It's a trick. But it works. It's even used in sophroplogy, to ease moderate pain.
When you're volcano inside, and Sebastian is, you think too much, and you feel as much as you think. Little problems become mountains in your mind. You have to break the thoughts. Discipline is the best way. Sebastian found the Winter Soldier inside of his own self. If he doesn't stop discipline/sport/diet/control, his autographs would be soon to be simplier, clearer. Almost peacefull. And then I will talk about end of search, affirmation, and accepting/loving himself (let's wait 5/6 years and see ^_^)
So watching autographs from now on will be very interesting.
Volcano people need limits, a goal, something to reach, a reason not to think too much. In France we usually say "l'oisiveté est mère de tous les vices" : Idleness is the mother of all vices. This sentence was created for volcano-people :). Don't let a Sebastian Stan on his own, not doing anything. And don't give him facility : he needs difficulty, it keeps him busy. And "busy" kills anxiousness. Cause it's all we're talking about here : Sebastian is anxious by nature. So that he needs time, for everything. If he rushes, his thoughts cannot bring order all around, nothing's under control, it's chaos inside. You can rush Tom Hiddleston, not Sebastian Stan.
And he clearly suffered from loneliness, from being an only child (trust me Seb, you're wrong about that!)
I bet if you met him for few hours, you may think he's a the nice guy, not talking too much (talking means showing something, you cannot ask him to talk you're torturing him, com'ooon :D And anyway, he just met you, he's busy thinking/observing you.). Talking means externalizing. Sebastian is busy internalizing. So talking is probably not his thing. In case of deep rage, you'll probably find him hitting walls. Or drinking. Women talk. Men, they drink (but maybe now, he will just run for few hours-winter soldier, discipline!)
I bet his long lasting friends will tell you that he can have very violent rage, that he can show passionate love, that he's sometimes aggressive, that he has disproportionate reactions (argh, that's when lava is flowing from the volcano, feelings sometimes, they show off...argh...). They will probably say he is challenging-provocative-defiant...the whooooole package (so that he probably look at you right in the eyes while talking to you, he's kinda defying you)...and he's the thinking guy too. Paradoxe. Contradiction. He's defying, his own self probably. Or a girl friend who laughed at him at school. Or his father who once said "no". Or a friend thinking he cannot do it. Who knows...
I bet his friends will tell about a Sebastian looking at you right in the eyes and saying "no" and you know you just have to stop right now, cause he's about to just kill you. Problem with volcanos is, you know when they erupt, not when they stop. You know when Sebastian is violently exploding, you don't know when he stops. However adorable Sebastian is (and he really is), he's got grounds and rooms for physical violence. And because he's the thinking guy always imploding, when he stop imploding to explode, it's very violent.
I don't see any spritual/mysthical aspiration (but those things are hard to evaluate and I have very few, so I might be wrong), at this point, I just see a man searching for himself inside his own self throught experiences. And acting is a good way to live experiences. I see a man pushing his own limits, to define them, over and over.
He's made of contradictions. He's chaotic/excessive... but with order. Sad but not really depressed, firmly rooted in present but positively looking future (and it's a contradiction : people firmly living in Present, they just don't think about Future, but Sebastian does!). He has issues but he's fighting each one, he's made of tenderness/sociability/need of love/kindness with room for violence/anger. Always trying to protect himself, and always searching for...danger :D. And I'm quite sure he's a gambler (but I cannot prove it right now, so let's not talk about that, even if his y and his g, you know...hum...)
Sebastian is a thought. He thinks a lot, too much most of the time. So doing things..well...not before thinking...and thinking again :D. And Sebastian is thinking, because Sebastian is...impulsive (I told you he's made of contradictions). but he probably noticed that "impulsive" is not good, impulsions have prices nobody wants to pay, so his mind started to...think before acting :D.
So, Sebastian is an excessive person trying to be balanced. Voilà voilà.
Sebastian's got a problem with Sebastian (that's the thing we won't talk about that you can CLEARLY see in the way he writes "Sebastian" : he's writing his first name entirely, and then he surrounds it _protection_, and he violently scratches it...well...Sebastian's got a problem with Sebastian) , but Sebastian is a proud part of the Stan familly. He loves his familly. He wants wife and Stan children, in a balanced life...BUT Sebastian wants to be Sebastian too (yes, it's just another contradiction, I know... told you the man is complication, he's worse than Reznor himself arrff!!! <3). Stan is important, but not more important than just Sebastian, as a person, as an individual part of the Stan familly. He needs to be recognized within his own family (extended his circle of friends).
I wrote Tom Hiddleston is Dr Who, always exploding emotions, trying to eat the whole world. Sebastian is more like Sherlock Holmes : he's got his own little world, with few people, but he wants to be the most important part of this little world. So that the Stan familly is very important, but little boy Sebastian is important too. It's probably the only balanced thing inside him :D !!
Oh, there's something else that's balanced inside Sebastian : his ego. Neither too much or too little (not too little/too big writing)
So, we have complexity and agitation, but with a real search for peace, stability, with sense of responsability.
When I write "sense of responsability", I mean Sebastian is the type of man stopping everything, inculding carreer, to raise his children. And in case of divorce, don't expect to go with his children. You got it all wrong. He's the guy following you everywhere, buying the house next to yours, not for you, for his children. And he's an obstinated person, "Sebby the turtle", with or without discipline.
So yeah, I won't be surprised if he suddenly disappear from Hollywood, living his little life somewhere, travelling around the world with wife and familly. He was not born for Hollywood lights. Hollywood detroys people internalizing feelings and thoughts. Hollywood is about lying, showing off...and being exposed. All of the time. Being exposed comes almost naturally to Tom Hiddleston, he can deal with that, he even likes it. But Sebastian is the exact opposite of Hiddleston on many many points. So being exposed is not his nature, at all.
I usually associate people to a song. I wrote Hiddleston is The World In My Eyes (Depeche Mode). Sebastian is clarly a Rob Dougan song. I think Sebastian is Clubbed to Death (he's no suicidal, so he cannot be I'm Not Driving Anymore, and he's not possessive/obsessed enough to be Furious Angels, so, he's Clubbed to Death)
Remember I'm not a pro, this is just a hobby to me, I am certainly wrong about few things and right about others. This is just fun, not absolute truth. I don't know him, never met him, this is just...fun :)
Thanks A LOT to www.sebastianstanspain.com for translating all of this in spanish (here). You are AWESOME !
